360 Degrees of Inner Turbulence.

They say when you ur moving away from smething, that u just lost, retreat dont walk around looking for things, they might just come back..Ok that was a lousy metaphor but i dont have nothing now.

Some time back, i thought of moving away, not worth it. I promised meselfu that i would take major plans to do the same, albeit i lost out somewhere along the way. And as happens when i dont do things like this yesterday ma mind and ma brain thought of blasting out on me.

Round 1

My mind suddenly outta outta the blue, ran into my brain. Ma brain just didnt have the answer so just backed out. Yesterday i went to sleep a restless man. What should i do, how do i convince abt my love for her

Sometime back when i was talking to a friend of mine on a related topic ma friend mneitoned abt “the alchemist”. The narrater mentiones at one point, a more ad lib here…but somewot like below..if you want something real badm then the universe conspires with you to get it. I wondered did i not want her so bad then i might not have wanted her so bad. But i so did. Coudnt the universe not see it. Maybe i just didnt show it. I stood a mindless man in the train while coming back. Maybe the people didnt see the turbulence whirling thru ma head my eyes seemed to be stationey across outside the door, the distance running away, ma eyes were seeing something else. They were lovestruck again. My brain was trying desperate attempts at reason, but i guess failed due to speed at what ma mind came at it.

My brain sayd havent some of ma close friends told me to move on, it aint worth it. It seemed like a logical comeback. fight emotion with reason. My mind though had other ideas. Its reply

“They all found their love, didnt they, would they understand your mind, your reason

Fair,

Day 1 belonged to ma mind. Among the victory declarations my mind suggested i go for it one last time, give it a month and half. Make an attempt to prove to the universe how bad it was for you, maybe then the universe will conspire on my behalf.

As i tell everyone when in grave thinking spree, sleep n it for a while.

Day 2 Round 2

Was travelling back from work, a little idleness in the train, it was crowded while coming back so sleeping was not an option i had. My brain, fresh and re grouped again came back with all guns blazing.

Brain – Why do you think she might still have something for you.
Mind – Dnt know!

Brain – Didnt she tell you she culdnt make a decision for 2 long years
Mind – Yes

Brain – Ddint she ask you to move on
Mind – Yes

Brain – Has she shown you any hint of ..
Mind – No

Brain – Arent u really different
Mind – Yes

Brain – Didnt u also tell her in your last attempt that if she sayd no, he would just have no choice and wud move on.
Mind – Yes

Then whats stopping ya….

Ma mind didnt seem to have an answer.

It seemed to get quiet. My station came. I got down. It seemed to be over. I had been staring so long i guess my gaze hurt. I was looking at nothing really.

I got down walked a few steps.

Mind – Imagine you like a person more than the world, but i would be ok for her to move on and go ahead an marry someone she didnt know but hope to love and hope he did likewise rather than look back and go to the one who loved her and continue doing so.

Brain freeze.

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